Uduravana in Heaven
Mr. Uduravana died and went to heaven.
When he got to the pearly gate Saint Peter told him that new rules are in effect due to the advances in education on earth. In order to gain admittance each soul must answer two simple questions:
1. Name two days of the week that begin with "T".
2. How many seconds are there in a year?
Mr. Uduravana thought for a few minutes and answered...
1. The two days of the week that begin with "T" are Today and Tomorrow.
2. There are 12 seconds in a year.
Saint Peter said, "OK, I'll buy the Today and Tomorrow answer, even though it's not the answer I expected. But how did you get 12 seconds in a year?"
Uduravana replied, "Well, January 2nd, February 2nd, March 2nd, etc..."
Saint Peter opens the gate without another word.Uduravana Relaxing!
Mr. Uduravana was enjoying the sun at the beach in America.
A lady came and asked him, "Are you relaxing?"
Uduravana answered, "No, I am Uduravana"
Another guy came and asked him the same question.
Uduravana answered, "No! No! Me Uduravana!"
A third one came and asked him the same question again.
Uduravana was totally annoyed and decided to shift his place.
While walking he saw another Sri Lankan soaking in the sun.
He went up to him and asked,
"Are you Relaxing?"
The other man was a lot more educated and answered, "Yes, I am relaxing."
Uduravana slapped him on his face and said, "Stupid, idiot. Everyone is looking for you and you are sitting over here!"Uduravana, Rupavahini & Hidden cameras
Mrs. Uduravana caught her husband Mr. Uduravana searching high and low all around his living room.
Mrs. Uduravan: "What are you searching for?"
Mr. Uduravan: "Hidden cameras!"
Mrs. Uduravan: "And what makes you think that there are hidden cameras here?"
Mr. Uduravan: "That guy on TV knows exactly what I am doing. Every few minutes he keeps saying, 'You are watching Rupavahini channel'. How does he know that?"Uduravana's English Exam
Mr. Uduravana finished his English exam and came out.
His friends asked him how he did his exam.
"Exam was okay, but for the past tense of THINK, I thought, thought, and
thought, at last I wrote THUNK!!!"Uduravana : Questions in brief
Mr. Uduravana is appearing for his University final examination.
He takes his seat in the examination hall, stares at the question paper for
five minutes, and then in a fit of inspiration takes his shoes off and
throws them out of the window. He then removes his shirt and throws it away
as well, followed by his pant, socks and watch.
The invigilator, alarmed, approaches him and asks what is going on.
"Oye, I am only following the instructions here," he says, " it says here,
'Answer the following questions in brief'.Mr. Uduravana & Wash Basin
Mr. Uduravana goes to a hotel in Colombo and eats heartily.
After eating he goes to wash his hands but starts washing the basin instead.
The manager comes running and asks him, "Mr. Uduravana, what are you doing?"
Mr. Uduravana replies, "Oye, see the board here, "Wash Basin".Travel
Mr. Udurawana was attending a conference in London. He was flying for the
Getting on at Katunayake airport, the passengers were climbing the steps to board the
plane. A foreigner missed his step & slipped. He shouted "Oh, I lost my
balance!" and the moving got slowed down a bit. Udurawana was at the bottom
of the steps anxiously waiting to get in to the plane for the first time and
he shouted, "Doesn't matter you fool, I have enough coins in my pocket.I'll
give you some later! "EMBARKATION CARD
When it was closer to London, Passengers were given the embarkation card to
fill. Udurawana started filling.
Full Name : Heen Banda Udurawana
Sex : Ticked the Female Box and wrote below : unlike these foreigners, we
always have sex with females !GETTING OFF
Getting off Finally, the plane arrives at Heathrow. Udurawana was excited
and anxious to get off. So he went to the door before anyone, and prepared
to jump down.
"Wait sir, Wait" cried an air hostess.
"75 Kilograms" replied Udurawana and jumped off the plane!HURT
Seeing Udurawana jump off the plane, an airport worker came running to his
aid. "Sir, Are you hurt? " He asked, helping Udurawanna to stand up. "No, I
am not Hurt. I am Udurawana" he replied.IN THE HOSPITAL
In the Hospital After his jump from the plane, Udurawana was taken to a
doctor to be treated for minor injuries. While awaiting his turn for
treatment, Udurawana smiled with an old Englishman sitting next to him.
"Hello" said the Englishman " I'm suffering from Influenza"
"Hello" replied Udurawana. " I'm Udurawana from Sri Lanka"
The Englishman confused, said "I mean my Influenza... came from Catarrh".
"I know, I know" replied Udurawana.
"Though I say Sri Lanka, I am also from Pettah."CONFERENCE
Conference proceedings 1
Fortunately, the injuries were not serious and Udurawana was able to
participate in the conference. The Chairperson said "Mr. Udurawana from Sri
Lanka will now address you !" Udurawana rose from his seat, and said:
"Udurawana Walawwa No. 29, Ranawana Road, Katugastota, Kandy, Sri Lanka."Conference proceedings 2
When Udurawana announced his postal address to the audience, his Secretary
came for assistance.
"That is not what you are supposed to do, Sir", he said, giving him a five-page written-speech. "You are supposed to speak to them. Please read this speech to them!" Udurawana started reading aloud. Other than for a few mistakes in pronouncing, things were okay for a few
Then, suddenly, Udurawana shouted: " Patto!" The audience got a bit excited, but Udurawana continued to read as if nothing happened. After another few minutes, another loud "Patto!" was
heard. Udurawana's secretary wanted to find out the reason for this,so he carefully followed the written speech.
And he found that.....
UDURAWANA WAS READING THE 'P.T.O.' AS PATTO!LUNCH BREAK
During the conference lunch break, Udurawana dropped in at a restaurant
with an English friend. The friend ordered a Fanta and our Udurawana ordered a
Coke. The Suddah friend sipped the Fanta and said, "Aaah.....Fantastic...."
Our friend Udurawana sipped the Coke and yelled,
"Aaaaaaah.....Cockastic...."AT THE BAR
It was a chilly day and as he wanted to warm himself up, he went to a PUB.
He saw two Englishmen sitting near the counter and joined them.
The first Englishmen said to the bar man "JOHNNY WALKER, single" The Bar man served
him. The second Englishmen said "JACKDANIEL, single". The Bar man served him too.
Now it was Udurawana's turn and he said: "HEEN BANDA UDURAWANA, MARRIED"!!!Understanding
One day when Udurawana was waiting for a bus at a bus stop in London, it
started raining. But this wasn't a problem for Udurawana who used to take a
large umbrella with him all the time.
Having resorted to the shelter of his umbrella, Udurawana looked around to
see how the others at the bus stop are doings. Then he saw that there was a
white girl who didn't have an umbrella.
So Udurawana thought of helping her, and said." Why are you outstanding"
"Please come and understand my umbrella"